Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
Weekend Snapshot: My Mini-Veggie Garden
The husband was "on call" during the weekend so we have no special plans. As usual, its grocery Saturday and I had the luxury to get lazy the whole day. We played Wii ( oh I just love boxing!) in the evening, watch "What happens in Vegas" & "You Dont Mess with the Zohan" and found ourselves cuddling on the couch til 2am. Sunday morning, I spent so much time fixing my so called mini-veggie garden. My basil & parsley gave me a harvest good enough for a jar of fresh homemade pesto. I took a picture of it and decided it will be ng entry for today's Weekend Snapshot. Now that summer is almost over, soon I will have no choice but to say buh-bye to my plants. Well, I had a great time cooking all the tomatoes, bellpeppers & herbs, til we meet again,next spring!
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Do you like writing reviews?
We purchased something, then we are either satisfied and happy about the item or we just regret buying it.
We went some place, enjoyed it so much and we want others to experiece the fun too.
We saw a movie and we think its just a total waste of time and money.
Or we got a very good service from an establishment....
Do you feel like venting it all out? Why not a review? Give your valuable opinion and ideas. The best part is you get to help others decide with the reviews you write and get compensated in doing so. Check out ReviewStream. No registration necessary and you wont spend a dime in doing so.
Go to ReviewStream.com
We went some place, enjoyed it so much and we want others to experiece the fun too.
We saw a movie and we think its just a total waste of time and money.
Or we got a very good service from an establishment....
Do you feel like venting it all out? Why not a review? Give your valuable opinion and ideas. The best part is you get to help others decide with the reviews you write and get compensated in doing so. Check out ReviewStream. No registration necessary and you wont spend a dime in doing so.
Go to ReviewStream.com
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Cultural Differences in Children's Sleeping Arrangements
Cultural Differences in Sleeping Arrangements
I personally grew in culture that permits children to sleep with their parents, most especially during the first few years of their lives. In my home country, this is a commonly accepted practice since most families cannot afford to build separate rooms for their infants/toddlers. Based on some readings, this kind of sleeping arrangement is also common in Austria, Japan & in some parts of Norway. On the contrary, experts in United States do not endorse co-sleeping. American families often times put their infants in a separate room and encourage their toddlers to sleep in their own beds. Such practice presents advantages and disadvantages as well. One positive outcome of such sleeping routine is that independence is promoted at such an early age. Parents and children will not have to get thru the painstaking process of transitioning when the child is old enough to sleep on his own. The children who sleeps on their own rooms are also sheltered from accidental sexual stimulation (Morelli et al.,1992). Also, the parents’ privacy & ‘alone time’ is protected. But how about the cons? Some studies show that resistance to going to bed occurs in 20-40% of American infants & preschoolers ( Johnson,1991) but it seldom occurs in cultures who practice co-sleeping. The root cause of this maybe the child’s anxiety of being alone and far from their parents during bedtime. (We all know how comforting it is for children to feel the warmth of their parent’s bodies.) This can be very stressful for the children, thus there may be a possibility of increased occurrence of bed-wetting, night terrors and other sleeping problems.
Whatever your preferred sleeping arrangement is, just see to it that you make a careful evaluation of your child’s needs and behavior. No matter what our culture dictates, it is still the parent’s proper discretion that will determine what suites their children best. After all, one Austrian research found no significant differences between children’who co-sleep with their parents & with those who sleeps on their own with regards to their subsequent social development. (Rothrauff et al.,2004) I dont have kids of my own yet, but this concern is definitely something that my husband & I should talk about when the time comes.
I personally grew in culture that permits children to sleep with their parents, most especially during the first few years of their lives. In my home country, this is a commonly accepted practice since most families cannot afford to build separate rooms for their infants/toddlers. Based on some readings, this kind of sleeping arrangement is also common in Austria, Japan & in some parts of Norway. On the contrary, experts in United States do not endorse co-sleeping. American families often times put their infants in a separate room and encourage their toddlers to sleep in their own beds. Such practice presents advantages and disadvantages as well. One positive outcome of such sleeping routine is that independence is promoted at such an early age. Parents and children will not have to get thru the painstaking process of transitioning when the child is old enough to sleep on his own. The children who sleeps on their own rooms are also sheltered from accidental sexual stimulation (Morelli et al.,1992). Also, the parents’ privacy & ‘alone time’ is protected. But how about the cons? Some studies show that resistance to going to bed occurs in 20-40% of American infants & preschoolers ( Johnson,1991) but it seldom occurs in cultures who practice co-sleeping. The root cause of this maybe the child’s anxiety of being alone and far from their parents during bedtime. (We all know how comforting it is for children to feel the warmth of their parent’s bodies.) This can be very stressful for the children, thus there may be a possibility of increased occurrence of bed-wetting, night terrors and other sleeping problems.
Whatever your preferred sleeping arrangement is, just see to it that you make a careful evaluation of your child’s needs and behavior. No matter what our culture dictates, it is still the parent’s proper discretion that will determine what suites their children best. After all, one Austrian research found no significant differences between children’who co-sleep with their parents & with those who sleeps on their own with regards to their subsequent social development. (Rothrauff et al.,2004) I dont have kids of my own yet, but this concern is definitely something that my husband & I should talk about when the time comes.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Wordless Wednesday # 3 Summer will soon be over
I took a walk outside and saw some falling leaves & a few ones with changing colors. And though autumn officially starts on September 23, it seems to me that summer is already waving goodbye. Its 55F this morning, not usual for a midwest summer. Gone are the 80s and 90s in the afternoon. So here goes my entry for Wordless Wednesday, a shot i took on our way to Shenandoah Valley, last Fall. It just reminds me of how quick season change and soon, my favorite time of the year awaits, Autumn.
Monday, August 18, 2008
The Conviniences of Online Transactions
From telecommunication to the internet, technology has gone far in making life easier for all of us.
Aren’t you thankful for the fact that you can pay all your bills online-credit cards, utilities, etc! While you are in pajamas, with just a few clicks here & there, voila, all your bills are paid. And don’t you just appreciate the email alerts and scheduled payments, you don’t need to miss anything. You can also do online shopping for clothes, electronics, gifts and there are websites that offers their grocery products thru an online catalog, just choose, pay and they deliver. You can also do bank transactions online, transfer money from the payroll to a high earning savings account. I can’t imagine going to & from bank to bank just to do that. Thru online transactions, it all happens within minutes.
Hackers? Identity theft? Urgh! You can’t help but worry about those. After all, the money that you worked for is at risk. Yet you do not need to be a computer savvy to put a little bit protection on the transactions that you make. A secured network, a good firewall and virus & spyware protection program can stop the vast majority of these threats. Use trusted banks & make sure they have very low incidents of online anomalies. You can also subscribe in a service that keeps track of all the credit card activities and alerts you when there is an unusual or suspicious movements in the account. Most of all, don’t fall for phishing emails & online scams. Be cautious on the links that you click, websites that you visit & personal and banking information that you give out.
But in spite the fact that we can almost do everything at the comfort of our homes, it’s still good to go out, be with other people, smell the flowers, see the meadows & feel the breeze=).
Aren’t you thankful for the fact that you can pay all your bills online-credit cards, utilities, etc! While you are in pajamas, with just a few clicks here & there, voila, all your bills are paid. And don’t you just appreciate the email alerts and scheduled payments, you don’t need to miss anything. You can also do online shopping for clothes, electronics, gifts and there are websites that offers their grocery products thru an online catalog, just choose, pay and they deliver. You can also do bank transactions online, transfer money from the payroll to a high earning savings account. I can’t imagine going to & from bank to bank just to do that. Thru online transactions, it all happens within minutes.
Hackers? Identity theft? Urgh! You can’t help but worry about those. After all, the money that you worked for is at risk. Yet you do not need to be a computer savvy to put a little bit protection on the transactions that you make. A secured network, a good firewall and virus & spyware protection program can stop the vast majority of these threats. Use trusted banks & make sure they have very low incidents of online anomalies. You can also subscribe in a service that keeps track of all the credit card activities and alerts you when there is an unusual or suspicious movements in the account. Most of all, don’t fall for phishing emails & online scams. Be cautious on the links that you click, websites that you visit & personal and banking information that you give out.
But in spite the fact that we can almost do everything at the comfort of our homes, it’s still good to go out, be with other people, smell the flowers, see the meadows & feel the breeze=).
Weekend Snapshots #2 Woodward Dream Cruise 2008
This weekend was quite a busy one, but the highlight of our week was when we went to Birmingham to check out the 2008 Woodward Dream Cruise. Its an annual event that pays tribute to car enthusiast and special vehicle collectors. It showcases muscle cars, classic 60s and 70s cars & trucks in the 16 mile stretch of Woodward Road.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Me & My Meter
My Meter & Me
I was walking a few feet away from my doorstep when I remembered I changed purse last night. I left my glucose meter on my other purse. I have to go back and grab it. If other people cant get thru their days without a specific object such as mobile phones, ipod, PDA or lip gloss, I cannot go elsewhere without my meter ( and the other stuff that goes with it-lancing device, syringes & of course the insulin) .
You see, not so long ago, I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. It was tough. I went thru the different coping stages before finally accepting the fact that I do have Diabetes. I took Diabetic Education and Nutrition Classes. I had lots of blood works and frequent visits to the endocrinologist. Until it finally sink in, diabetes will be a part of me and there’s nothing I can do about it. Based from the researches I made, type 1 diabetes, once known as juvenile diabetes is something that is genetically predisposed. Its in my blood. Accepting it and trusting that the Lord will help me get thru this, life with diabetes becomes easier, lighter and more manageable. Pricking my fingers to get a sample of my blood for glucose testing ( three times a day ), as well as the daily insulin injections had been a part of my daily routine. Strict diet, counting calories, reading nutrition facts & preparing diabetic menus defines the nutritional aspect of my life. Regular exercise, routine check ups and continuous researches about Diabetes are components of my living that I must stick with. Knowing that I have diabetes will not define me as a person but it will just help others understand my ways.
Still, I am glad, this autoimmune disorder happened to me. Not to my siblings, not to my husband. I cant bear the thought of them pricking their finger. Having this disease entails strong self-discipline, financial readiness ( its sure not cheap to have diabetes!) and a sturdy faith in God. This happened for a reason. So with gratefulness, me & my meter will journey life together =)
I was walking a few feet away from my doorstep when I remembered I changed purse last night. I left my glucose meter on my other purse. I have to go back and grab it. If other people cant get thru their days without a specific object such as mobile phones, ipod, PDA or lip gloss, I cannot go elsewhere without my meter ( and the other stuff that goes with it-lancing device, syringes & of course the insulin) .
You see, not so long ago, I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. It was tough. I went thru the different coping stages before finally accepting the fact that I do have Diabetes. I took Diabetic Education and Nutrition Classes. I had lots of blood works and frequent visits to the endocrinologist. Until it finally sink in, diabetes will be a part of me and there’s nothing I can do about it. Based from the researches I made, type 1 diabetes, once known as juvenile diabetes is something that is genetically predisposed. Its in my blood. Accepting it and trusting that the Lord will help me get thru this, life with diabetes becomes easier, lighter and more manageable. Pricking my fingers to get a sample of my blood for glucose testing ( three times a day ), as well as the daily insulin injections had been a part of my daily routine. Strict diet, counting calories, reading nutrition facts & preparing diabetic menus defines the nutritional aspect of my life. Regular exercise, routine check ups and continuous researches about Diabetes are components of my living that I must stick with. Knowing that I have diabetes will not define me as a person but it will just help others understand my ways.
Still, I am glad, this autoimmune disorder happened to me. Not to my siblings, not to my husband. I cant bear the thought of them pricking their finger. Having this disease entails strong self-discipline, financial readiness ( its sure not cheap to have diabetes!) and a sturdy faith in God. This happened for a reason. So with gratefulness, me & my meter will journey life together =)
Spa in Your Pantry!
SPA FROM YOUR PANTRY!
You don’t have to look far and spend a fortune on expensive spa treatments. Stuff in your fridge and pantry can be mixed together and voila, an instant all natural beauty potion!
Here are some examples: (Just be sure that you do not have allergies and precautions should be taken)
For your hair:
A. ½ avocado mashed & 1 egg beaten, mixed together and massage on hair and scalp. Wrap hair with a warm towel and leave for 20 minutes. Wash thoroughly.
B. 1/2 cup honey,1/4 cup warmed olive oil,1 whole banana mashed. Combine all together, and massage on hair and scalp. Wrap hair with a warm towel and leave for 20 minutes. Wash thoroughly.
C. Beer Hair Rinse :1 oz distilled or clean catch rain water,2 teaspoons apple cider vinegar, 7 drops lemon essential oil, 1 ounce beer (stale works fine), 5 drops rosemary essential oil . Mix all ingredients together. Use as a final rinse, rinse well. Beer adds protein to make hair shiny and make it feel thicker.
D. Aloe vera & 5 drops of coconut oil. Combine all together, and massage on hair and scalp. Leave for 15 minutes then rinse well.
For a smoother skin:
A. Fruit Salad Body Mask 2 slices pineapple - rind removed
1/2 med. honeydew melon - rind removed
1 doz. green grapes
1 med. banana - peeled
1 med. kiwi fruit – peeled
Puree all ingredients in food processor. Mixture will be slightly lumpy. Refrigerate for 1 hour. Smooth onto body and/or face, leaving on for half an hour. This is an ideal treatment to use poolside, where lounging is assuring. Rinse off with tepid water, or an outdoor shower.
B. Chocolate Facial Mask.This decadent mask is actually an excellent moisturizer -- it leaves your skin baby soft.
1/3 cup cocoa powder
3 tbsp. heavy cream
2 tsp. cottage cheese
¼ cup honey
3 tsp. oatmeal
Mix all ingredients together (a bullet blender is ideal) and smooth onto face. Relax for ten 10 minutes, then wash off with warm water.
C. ½ cup ripe papaya, 1 tbsp honey, 1 tbsp yogurt. mix and leave on skin for 10 minutes and rinse off.
For a softer feet:
Mix 5 tbsp of olive oil with 2 tsp sugar. Scrub gently on feet. Rinse with warm water. Dry your feet completely. Rub a dollop of petroleum jelly and massage feet for several minutes. Wear comfortable socks overnight.
(homemade spa treatments, beauty treatments, cosmetics and more, courtesy of www.SpaIndex.com)
You don’t have to look far and spend a fortune on expensive spa treatments. Stuff in your fridge and pantry can be mixed together and voila, an instant all natural beauty potion!
Here are some examples: (Just be sure that you do not have allergies and precautions should be taken)
For your hair:
A. ½ avocado mashed & 1 egg beaten, mixed together and massage on hair and scalp. Wrap hair with a warm towel and leave for 20 minutes. Wash thoroughly.
B. 1/2 cup honey,1/4 cup warmed olive oil,1 whole banana mashed. Combine all together, and massage on hair and scalp. Wrap hair with a warm towel and leave for 20 minutes. Wash thoroughly.
C. Beer Hair Rinse :1 oz distilled or clean catch rain water,2 teaspoons apple cider vinegar, 7 drops lemon essential oil, 1 ounce beer (stale works fine), 5 drops rosemary essential oil . Mix all ingredients together. Use as a final rinse, rinse well. Beer adds protein to make hair shiny and make it feel thicker.
D. Aloe vera & 5 drops of coconut oil. Combine all together, and massage on hair and scalp. Leave for 15 minutes then rinse well.
For a smoother skin:
A. Fruit Salad Body Mask 2 slices pineapple - rind removed
1/2 med. honeydew melon - rind removed
1 doz. green grapes
1 med. banana - peeled
1 med. kiwi fruit – peeled
Puree all ingredients in food processor. Mixture will be slightly lumpy. Refrigerate for 1 hour. Smooth onto body and/or face, leaving on for half an hour. This is an ideal treatment to use poolside, where lounging is assuring. Rinse off with tepid water, or an outdoor shower.
B. Chocolate Facial Mask.This decadent mask is actually an excellent moisturizer -- it leaves your skin baby soft.
1/3 cup cocoa powder
3 tbsp. heavy cream
2 tsp. cottage cheese
¼ cup honey
3 tsp. oatmeal
Mix all ingredients together (a bullet blender is ideal) and smooth onto face. Relax for ten 10 minutes, then wash off with warm water.
C. ½ cup ripe papaya, 1 tbsp honey, 1 tbsp yogurt. mix and leave on skin for 10 minutes and rinse off.
For a softer feet:
Mix 5 tbsp of olive oil with 2 tsp sugar. Scrub gently on feet. Rinse with warm water. Dry your feet completely. Rub a dollop of petroleum jelly and massage feet for several minutes. Wear comfortable socks overnight.
(homemade spa treatments, beauty treatments, cosmetics and more, courtesy of www.SpaIndex.com)
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Wordless Wednesday # 2: Cocoa Beach Florida
This is quite a busy week so I was not able to post much. But I dont want to let Wednesday pass without me posting an entry so here it is....
Monday, August 11, 2008
Weekend Snapshot # 1 HOTAIR BALLOON FESTIVAL
This is my first entry to the Weekend Snapshot. This Saturday was just all about getting lazy and going to the mall for a little shopping and Sunday has always been the day for worship, so no recent interesting photos. So i checked on my pictures and found this one. This was taken a few weekends ago in Battle Creek, MI. Hubby & I watched the Balloon Launch, an air show and sip a huge glass of icecold lemonade as we enjoy the annual Hot Air Balloon Festival last July 2008.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Pay To Click Sites
Have heard of PTC (pay to click)? NeoBux is one. It pays 2 cents per click and pays some more for every referrals. You dont need to do anything, just click the ads and you are good to go.
Interested? Check it out and sign up. click here.
Another PTC site is Thinkbux. The same principle applies. Just register, click the ads, make as many referrals and you get paid for every click. Sign up now!
Interested? Check it out and sign up. click here.
Another PTC site is Thinkbux. The same principle applies. Just register, click the ads, make as many referrals and you get paid for every click. Sign up now!
Friday, August 8, 2008
Daycares or not?
My nephew is a 17 month old boy who is often uneasy when he sees new faces around. But with familiar people, he interacts & socializes well and good. I’m quite familiar with a phase called “stranger anxiety”, a normal phase wherein children develop fear of strangers. Most infants have it and then it recurs by 6-9 month of age, peaks between 9-24 months and declines in the 3rd year. As I have noticed, this differs from child to child though. My nephew is reared in the home full time. Will it make any difference if he is exposed to daycares?
Most families are left with no choice but for both parents to spend their days working and leaving the children on other’s care. Based on my observation, daycares, when properly utilized, helps improve kid’s social & cognitive skills. Parents should take into consideration the number of hours a child is placed there as well as the careful evaluation of the environmental quality of the daycare (is it child-proofed? is it conducive to learning). Good childcare facilities promote independence, teach children to share, wait for their turn, behave well in a group and cooperate with peers and adults. But still, l would think that no matter how advantageous it may seem, leaving the children full time in daycare facilities may affect the bonds of attachment between a parent and a child.
When my husband and I talked the other night, I told him that when we have kids of our own, this is one issue that we definitely have to deal with. I want our children to be reared at home BUT knowing that there are things that cannot be learned at home, I will gladly allot a few hours a week for daycare exposures. ( Good for the kids and some “me” time for me) And he totally agrees. =)
Thursday, August 7, 2008
MyLot.com
I was browsing the internet, searching for some ways to earn online. I came across MyLot.com. It sounds pretty cool. It is a large forum wherein you can post discussions about your topics of interest, leave and receive comments as well. Seems like it’s a fun way to earn revenue from all the time you spend on your laptops/PCs. All you have to do is register, invite your friends, start/join the discussion and voila, you get paid for that! I don’t know yet how their payment algorithms works but its worth trying, isn’t it? After all, what do you have to loose.
Click here to register.
Click here to register.
Women Love Shopping Tag
~Start copying here (no need to right click the image)~Credits: Paper & Elements Created by Kim Jensen / Layout by JennyL
1. Don’t remove the credits when you post the image .
2. Please link back to the person who tagged you
3. If you have more than one blog, please post this to all of your blogs so your other blogs can be listed to the master list too
4. You need to pass this tag to many friends you think loves shopping.
5. Come back at BARGAIN.SALES.DEALS.and leave the exact post url so I can add you to the master list to help increase our rankings and improve our Technorati Authority.
6. Enjoy Shopping !!!SHOPAHOLICS : 1.) A Slice of Life 2.) Jenny Said So 3.) Simply Jen 4.) This and That 5.)Bargain.Sales.Deals. 6.) Me and Mine 7. ) Little Peanut 8.) Creative in Me 9.) Pea in a Pod 10. The Shopaholic in Me 11.) Life's Simple Pleasures 12.) My Planet Purple 13.) Women With Xtarordinary 14.) Women With Extraordinary Life 15.) lipsticknladdles
{end copying here}
1. Don’t remove the credits when you post the image .
2. Please link back to the person who tagged you
3. If you have more than one blog, please post this to all of your blogs so your other blogs can be listed to the master list too
4. You need to pass this tag to many friends you think loves shopping.
5. Come back at BARGAIN.SALES.DEALS.and leave the exact post url so I can add you to the master list to help increase our rankings and improve our Technorati Authority.
6. Enjoy Shopping !!!SHOPAHOLICS : 1.) A Slice of Life 2.) Jenny Said So 3.) Simply Jen 4.) This and That 5.)Bargain.Sales.Deals. 6.) Me and Mine 7. ) Little Peanut 8.) Creative in Me 9.) Pea in a Pod 10. The Shopaholic in Me 11.) Life's Simple Pleasures 12.) My Planet Purple 13.) Women With Xtarordinary 14.) Women With Extraordinary Life 15.) lipsticknladdles
{end copying here}
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Wordless Wednesday # 1 Holland Tulips
Tulips are breathtakingly beautiful. This shot was taken during the "2008 Tulip Festival" in Holland,MI.
Monday, August 4, 2008
When Your Man is Silent...
You voiced out what you feel…. And he said “Oh is that so?” and storms out of the house.
You’re having an argument….then all of sudden he just said “ Ok, fine!” and refuse to communicate after.
You lay down the problems that you should deal with as a couple…..not a single word from him.
You ask him what’s bothering him…..he said “nothing” and refused to elaborate.
Familiar scenarios?
Our man’s silence is indeed deafening. When he refuse to talk further, our imagination goes wild trying to guess what he is thinking. What happens next is best represented by this upsetting equation:
(HIS REFUSAL TO COMMUNICATE) + (YOUR PERSISTENT PRODDING) + (YOUR IMAGINATION RUNNING WILD) = (MORE CONFLICT) (HARSH EXCANGE OF WORDS) (HURTFUL FIGHTS)
Of course we don’t want this. But for a relationship to avoid such wounding circumstances, there should be a 2 way street wherein both drivers are willing to do their shares.
Women’s part: Try to understand that men & women are psychologically different in dealing with conflicts, in expressing feelings and in problem solving. We, women tend to be more vocal with our feelings. Our thoughts flow freely while our words pour. Sometimes, we even lay down our plans to resolve something blurting it all out and not just merely thru mental rehearsals. We should be aware that most men are not like us. Their way is to keep quiet, plan it all in their minds, and carefully choose the right word to say. If a situation is very emotional to take, they would rather keep quiet first, analyze every aspects concern and choose the right words to say before finally talking. This may take hours to days (depending on the severity of it all). This is most especially true for those men who loves their women and is careful enough to pick the words that will not hurt their partners. If this happens, we have to let them be without getting mad. Do not rush him. Accept and respect his need for solitude. Don’t prod him to talk when he is not ready yet. And no matter how upset he is, let him know that you trust his ability to deal. When you leave him alone though, let him be aware that you care about what he feels and you will be waiting when he is ready to talk. What we should do is to try to think of something that we can do to contribute to the solution. We should also do something that we enjoy to avoid getting frustrated while waiting for our men to talk. How about hitting the gym, or baking cookies? That will keep our minds off him. This will also allow us to cool off a bit, so emotions will not cloud our judgment when our men are ready for the discussion. When we badly need to tell him something, writing a letter will help.
Men’s part: The same understanding of the psychological difference of men & women in terms of dealing with conflicts, in expressing feelings and in problem solving is needed. Men should be aware of the women’s need for words. While men need a women’s respect for their need for isolation in times of conflict, know that women needs a brief explanation for your withdrawal. It can be as simple as “ I know you are upset and I am upset too. Let me cool down awhile and think things over and we will discuss this when I’m ready”. In saying so, you acknowledge their feelings, you let them know how you feel and you assure them of your intentions to resolve the conflict when you are ready. Also, this gives your women ample time to cool down and think of possible solutions when you are both ready to discuss the situation. Those words means so much difference than just saying “ Ok fine” and jumping into your car without us knowing where you are headed. This makes us feel rejected, our feelings ignored & unrecognized, thus putting us in a place of uncertainty & insecurity. You would want to avoid doing this as much as possible. If not, it’s as if you’re keeping a ticking time bomb beside your bed.
Willingness to understand and make little sacrifices can prevent your conflicting issues to magnify.
Our man’s silence is indeed deafening. When he refuse to talk further, our imagination goes wild trying to guess what he is thinking. What happens next is best represented by this upsetting equation:
(HIS REFUSAL TO COMMUNICATE) + (YOUR PERSISTENT PRODDING) + (YOUR IMAGINATION RUNNING WILD) = (MORE CONFLICT) (HARSH EXCANGE OF WORDS) (HURTFUL FIGHTS)
Of course we don’t want this. But for a relationship to avoid such wounding circumstances, there should be a 2 way street wherein both drivers are willing to do their shares.
Women’s part: Try to understand that men & women are psychologically different in dealing with conflicts, in expressing feelings and in problem solving. We, women tend to be more vocal with our feelings. Our thoughts flow freely while our words pour. Sometimes, we even lay down our plans to resolve something blurting it all out and not just merely thru mental rehearsals. We should be aware that most men are not like us. Their way is to keep quiet, plan it all in their minds, and carefully choose the right word to say. If a situation is very emotional to take, they would rather keep quiet first, analyze every aspects concern and choose the right words to say before finally talking. This may take hours to days (depending on the severity of it all). This is most especially true for those men who loves their women and is careful enough to pick the words that will not hurt their partners. If this happens, we have to let them be without getting mad. Do not rush him. Accept and respect his need for solitude. Don’t prod him to talk when he is not ready yet. And no matter how upset he is, let him know that you trust his ability to deal. When you leave him alone though, let him be aware that you care about what he feels and you will be waiting when he is ready to talk. What we should do is to try to think of something that we can do to contribute to the solution. We should also do something that we enjoy to avoid getting frustrated while waiting for our men to talk. How about hitting the gym, or baking cookies? That will keep our minds off him. This will also allow us to cool off a bit, so emotions will not cloud our judgment when our men are ready for the discussion. When we badly need to tell him something, writing a letter will help.
Men’s part: The same understanding of the psychological difference of men & women in terms of dealing with conflicts, in expressing feelings and in problem solving is needed. Men should be aware of the women’s need for words. While men need a women’s respect for their need for isolation in times of conflict, know that women needs a brief explanation for your withdrawal. It can be as simple as “ I know you are upset and I am upset too. Let me cool down awhile and think things over and we will discuss this when I’m ready”. In saying so, you acknowledge their feelings, you let them know how you feel and you assure them of your intentions to resolve the conflict when you are ready. Also, this gives your women ample time to cool down and think of possible solutions when you are both ready to discuss the situation. Those words means so much difference than just saying “ Ok fine” and jumping into your car without us knowing where you are headed. This makes us feel rejected, our feelings ignored & unrecognized, thus putting us in a place of uncertainty & insecurity. You would want to avoid doing this as much as possible. If not, it’s as if you’re keeping a ticking time bomb beside your bed.
Willingness to understand and make little sacrifices can prevent your conflicting issues to magnify.
Friday, August 1, 2008
To Spank or Not to Spank
My mom & I had a long discussion the other day. It rooted from the way she deals with my 3 year old niece’s misbehavior. In a culture that accepts the use of inflicting pain to children as a form of discipline, it is common for parents, grandparents & other primary caregivers to spank or hit.
I am an advocate of the use of +/- reinforcements and behavior modification techniques when it comes to dealing with children. I believe that these techniques simplify the abstract concept of discipline in a way that young children understand. It becomes clear to them that good behaviors are rewarded in various ways and the negative ones aren’t. So the probability that a good behavior will recur is high.
Spanking on the other hand is so confusing for children. It is not corrective in any way. What good can you get in hitting the fragile body of a small child (and even older ones)? Oftentimes, it is just the outlet of an adult’s frustration & anger or as Dr. Phil described as “an excuse to have an adult temper tantrum”. It just teaches the child that it is acceptable to hit others when they are doing something that you dont like, especially when they are smaller and weaker tha you are. Thus the likelihood that they will hit others (in the present & when they become adults) increases. Some studies show that antisocial behavior such as lying, stealing, cheating, bullying and lack of remorse for wrongdoings increase when physical punishment is regularly administered to children.
As parents, think evaluate your parenting discipline style. Only you can decide what’s good for your children. There are so many ways to discipline and raise good children. Yet, in whatever form of discipline you choose always couple it with love & respect.
I am an advocate of the use of +/- reinforcements and behavior modification techniques when it comes to dealing with children. I believe that these techniques simplify the abstract concept of discipline in a way that young children understand. It becomes clear to them that good behaviors are rewarded in various ways and the negative ones aren’t. So the probability that a good behavior will recur is high.
Spanking on the other hand is so confusing for children. It is not corrective in any way. What good can you get in hitting the fragile body of a small child (and even older ones)? Oftentimes, it is just the outlet of an adult’s frustration & anger or as Dr. Phil described as “an excuse to have an adult temper tantrum”. It just teaches the child that it is acceptable to hit others when they are doing something that you dont like, especially when they are smaller and weaker tha you are. Thus the likelihood that they will hit others (in the present & when they become adults) increases. Some studies show that antisocial behavior such as lying, stealing, cheating, bullying and lack of remorse for wrongdoings increase when physical punishment is regularly administered to children.
As parents, think evaluate your parenting discipline style. Only you can decide what’s good for your children. There are so many ways to discipline and raise good children. Yet, in whatever form of discipline you choose always couple it with love & respect.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
